Subj: Flirting Techniques That Actually Work
Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I have no qualms about calling out bullshit when I see it. This also means that when someone asks me a question, I don’t bullshit them either. I give them a straight answer. I was recently asked by a reader which flirting techniques (if any) actually worked. This post aims to answer that question.
While it would be easy to simply list off which techniques work and which don’t, I think it’s important that I first tell you a bit about my history learning how to flirt so you can better understand how I came to my conclusions about which flirting techniques are effective and which aren’t.
When I first started trying to improve my skills with women I went out literally every day and approached for hours at a time. I probably approached 30+ women a day during my first few months. But the pure number of approaches I did wasn’t the reason for my success. The main factor was my mindset when it came to learning.
After each approach, I would analyze the interaction to see what I could improve. When I came up with a possible solution, I would immediately do another approach to test it out, doing everything exactly the same, only incorporating my correction into the interaction.
I was scientific and methodical. Approach, analyze, correct, repeat. Approach, analyze, correct, repeat. That was my method. It was cold and calculating. I wasn’t out there to stroke my ego. I wasn’t out there to show off. I wasn’t even out there to get laid. I was out there to analyze data.
You can imagine that after repeating this process thousands of times I very quickly found out what worked and what didn’t.
What I’m about to share with you are flirting techniques that ACTUALLY work. Each of these techniques has been rigorously testing in the field and has been shown to work consistently, over and over again.
This is by no means an exhaustive list. There are certainly other flirting techniques that work, but the techniques listed below are the ones that I have found to be some of the most useful. Implementing the following techniques into your arsenal will shave months off your learning curve and will greatly improve your success with the opposite sex.
1) Locking In
Your body positioning in relation to others can have a profound effect on the way people view you.
If you were in a bar and saw a man leaning against a wall with three women in a semi circle around him, it would appear that the women were hitting on him, or at least very interested in him. Conversely, if you saw three women with their backs against a wall, with a guy facing them, it would look like they were the ones getting hit on by the guy.
Subconsciously we sense the power differential and understand that the person with the inside positioning has the power.
So how does this apply to approaching women? If you can take the inside position, it not only looks to others like you are the one getting hit on, but it FEELS that way. Unless you’ve tried it, it’s hard to explain, but you can actually feel the dynamic of the interaction change as soon as you take the power position. Your nervousness turns to confidence. Girls that were neutral to you suddenly start chasing you. It’s a freaky and powerful phenomenon.
In fact, the psychological effect is so powerful that I always attempt to lock in if I can, and will often go so far as to move an entire group of girls in order to do so.
2) The Spin Move
Speaking of locking in, one of my favorite ways to lock in is using something called the “Spin Move.” Just say, “Let me see your hand.” Then take her hand and spin her like you two are dancing. While she’s spinning, move around her and lock into the inside position.
The spin move is great because not only does it allow you to lock in, but it also gives a flirtatious vibe to the interaction and is a great way to start a physical dialogue. Getting physical with a girl is one of the key elements of a successful seduction.
Don’t feel that you have to use the spin move to lock in though. Simply spinning a girl for fun is perfectly fine as well.
3) The Concept of ‘Compliance Momentum’
Compliance has momentum. People who are complying with you will usually continue to comply, and people who are not complying will continue to not comply.
This compliance momentum gives rise to a very clever social hack that can give you almost Jedi-like mind control powers.
Let’s take the spin move for example. If I were to walk up to a woman I didn’t know sitting on a bench and say, “Stand up and spin around for me.” Most likely the woman wouldn’t comply with my request. The “hoop” I’d just asked her to jump through was too big.
However, if I were to walk up to her and ask her to extend her hand for a second, she probably would. If I then took her hand and asked her to stand up, she would probably comply with that request as well. At this point, if I asked her to spin around, it’s much more likely that she would.
By taking one big compliance test and breaking it down into smaller, more reasonable compliance tests, I’ve greatly increased the likelihood of getting the result I want. This is because the compliance needed from one step to the next was so small she didn’t have any real reason to resist.
You probably intuitively understand this concept, but now that you have conscious understanding of the mechanism behind it, you can apply it to other social situations. Next time you want someone to do something, remember that breaking it down into smaller, more manageable chunks will greatly increase your success.
4) False Time Constraints
Have you ever had a stranger attempt to start a conversation with you? Did you feel awkward or on your guard? Most likely it wasn’t the conversation itself that caused the discomfort. It was because you felt like you didn’t know when the conversation would end or if they were secretly trying to get something from you.
For this reason, I almost always begin conversations with women by telling them that I’m heading somewhere soon. It puts them at ease and makes them much more receptive and open to talking. This is known as a “False Time Constraint” and it’s one of the most ingenious social hacks I’ve ever come across.
Some examples of false time constraints are:
- “I need to get back to my friends in just a second…”
- “I need to get to [location] in a bit but…”
The exact phrasing doesn’t really matter, as long as you’re demonstrating that you’re just passing by. A word of warning though; false time constraints are not apologies. They should not sound like this:
- “I’m sorry to bother you.”
- “I’ll leave you ladies alone in just a second.”
- “Excuse me, I won’t bother you long.”
Notice that the above examples are demonstrating two completely different things. In the first you’re saying that you’re just passing by but have something to say. In the second you’re doing exactly the opposite and saying, “I’m about to try to get something from you.”
Adding a false time constraint at the very beginning of your conversations will greatly increase your chances of successfully approaching a woman.
Just be aware, you don’t have to pretend you’re leaving during the entire interaction. It’s only until you’ve reached the hook point where the girl wants to continue the conversation with you. Once you’ve reached the hook point you can just chat normally.
5) “Negs” and Playful Teasing
So called “negs” have gotten a bad rap in the past few years. In fact, in certain circles they had a bad rap even earlier than that. This is due in large part to people’s misunderstanding of what negs actually are. Therefore I’m asking you to give the humble neg a second look.
Contrary to popular belief, negs are not insults. Nor are they backhanded compliments used to destroy a woman’s self esteem. The people who think these things have either been mislead or have never actually read the source material on negs.
So what is a neg?
A neg is simply an active sign of disinterest.
Why should you actively show disinterest in a woman when you approach? Because from most women’s experience, when a guy comes up to talk to her, it’s usually a very uncomfortable attempt to pick her up. And unless she is already attracted to the guy from the moment he walks up, showing too much interest early on will just cause her to put her guard up. Because of this, subtly doing or saying something to indicate that you’re not interested in a woman actually makes her more comfortable, and ironically make her more likely to be attracted to you.
Playful teasing works in the same manner. By doing or saying something that a guy who’s nervous or uncomfortable around women wouldn’t say or do you’re making her more comfortable. You’re showing her that you are comfortable around women.
Some of my favorite negs/teases are:
- You look like a party girl… Party girls are sooo not my type. It would never work out between us.
- You have a very criminal face.
- You’re so forward/needy/demanding/etc.
- Oh my god. You are so freaking adorable… It’s disgusting.
- Wow you talk a lot. You need an off button.
These are delivered playfully or neutrally. Never in a mean spirited way. The purpose of a neg or playful teasing isn’t to be rude. It’s to show her that you’re comfortable around her, which will in turn make her comfortable around you.
There you have it. Those are five flirting techniques that actually work. I have personally tested each and every one and am confident in their effectiveness. But like any good scientist I encourage you to test them out for yourselves. Disprove my results. Go out and use these techniques as soon as you can and see how they work for you.
Until next time,